On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
