Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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