Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
