somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
