Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
