Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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