I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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