I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
