god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
