She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
