I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
