Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
