hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
