The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
