my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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