Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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