Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
