My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
