I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
