Me. At least after what I've been through.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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