I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize