so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
