Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
