what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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