Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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