I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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