38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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