She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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