A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
