When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
