I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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