Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
