dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
