One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
