Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
