Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
