Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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