Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
