At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Couch. On fire.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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