He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
