Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
