I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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