So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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