I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You are the jesus of drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
