Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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