He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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