Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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