idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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