i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
