I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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