bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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