My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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