If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
