god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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