i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
