I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
