problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cockslap morals
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
