haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
