I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
