Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
