So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
