He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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