Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
