So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
