Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
