we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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