So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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