i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
