This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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