I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
