The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
