If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
