I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
