Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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