the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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