my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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