i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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