Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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