somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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