he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
not ubering you a puppy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
