i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
