I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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