If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
