you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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