I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
