Your dad touched me again.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
