dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
